Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
