my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
