we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
