how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize
