I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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