so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
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He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
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I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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