I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
