STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
