I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
