I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I am naked and annoyed.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
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