you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
