Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
