She went from zero to smokin in five shots
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
