Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Did you pee in the oven last night??
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
