ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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