Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
