This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize
