Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
