I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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