never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Randomize
