Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize