I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
