i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
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