butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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