we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
