It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
It's Friday. Sex?
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
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