Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
