I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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