We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
