there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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