Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
