Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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