So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
