When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
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