just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
