your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
