I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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