need another drink. this is the easiest way
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
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