Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
