so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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