Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
