hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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