I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
