I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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