Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
