apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
