You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
