there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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