I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Randomize
