I CAN MOONWALK!
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
