dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
i would one night stand the shit outta him
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
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