But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
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She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
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When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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