when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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