I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
