ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Randomize
