Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
