EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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