Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
