there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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