My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Well I just put wine in my tea
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
