I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
