Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
