this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
