We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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