help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Randomize
