If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
