She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
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