Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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