I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
