I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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