please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
